Honeymoonship Chapter 2: What Took You So Long, Wife?

Chapter 2: What Took You So Long, Wife?

Spanish sunlight shone onto the bridesmaids’ dresses hanging by the window. The expensive, high quality fabric and color on the rack was hiding the emotion behind their placement. 

The room was lit in natural lighting, the bride’s prep room had a charcuterie board. Expensive cheese, expensive crackers, overly priced wine, and grapes straight from the vineyard outside. Everything looked clean and beautiful and exactly like it should have on a fairytale wedding.

The lighting exposed the bride’s dress, which was the only thing that told truth. It was shed along the floor like snakeskin. The bridesmaids were in the room, looking at it, while Janet finished reading the text Jennifer had sent her aloud.

“…and if any of you knew about it, you’re dead to me too, bitches,” Janet said flatly.

“Well, that last part seemed uncalled for,” Stephanie said, pouring an open, half-filled bottle of red wine. “It’s not like we knew.”

“I might have guessed it would happen though; Patrice was eyeing him,” Christine said.

“Patrice eyes everyone,” Lucy retorted past her wine.

“Is that wine on the dress?” Cindy questioned, looking at it, poking at a red spot and lifting it up. “I found the other half of the bottle.”

“Cindy, pay attention. Our friend just pulled several no-nos,” Janet sighed.

“Several? Do you really think he was capable of doing that consecutively?” Christine responded.

The girls looked at each other. 

“Okay, our friend just pulled a probably half-fulfilling no-no,” Janet shrugged.

“I doubt it was very filling,” Lucy smiled.

“Filling? That’s probably too hard for him,” Stephanie said.

“I doubt it was very hard either,” Lucy retorted.

“That’s not the point,” Janet said. “The point is, what are we going to do about it?”

“Well, we’re going to burn her, of course. Metaphorically, I mean,” Lucy said.

“Burn her worse than that time after the rave in college,” Cindy said.

“Which time?” Christine asked.

“The one where she had to go to the gynecologist afterwards for some pills.”

“…Which time?”

“There was more than one?” Cindy asked.

“Patrice eyes everyone,” Lucy said again.

“What about him though?” Janet said, grabbing the wine bottle and moving her empty glass.

Cindy watched as wine fell in front of her eyes onto the dress.

“Oops, clumsy me,” Janet said. “Hope that doesn’t cost Mama Kaiju too much.”

“Mama Kaiju?” Lucy said scoffing. “That woman can afford a thousand of these dresses. She won’t even blink at the price of the honeymoon. She already paid for it and everything.”

“Really?” Janet asked. 

“Of course,” Lucy said. “That woman even paid for the trip without placing James’s name on the reservation.”

“What? Mama Kaiju? That doesn’t sound like something she’d do.”

“Yeah, no, she had to. She had to use my phone because hers died. I was there when they were shopping for a caterer,” Lucy sighed. “And I will never forget how that chicken parm tasted. They had to use Jennifer’s card for the down payment to hold the spot. She paid her back later, but Jennifer’s name is on it. Bet she isn’t even blinking at not getting that money back.”

Janet sat silently, tapping the edge of her glass and looking off.

“I say let’s convince Jennifer to go.”

“Can’t,” Lucy said around a half mouthful of cheese. “They are in an old-school village. Honeymoons have to have both spouses there.”

Cindy pulled out her wallet. 

“I might be able to help with that,” she said. “You guys know the disgustingly hot Korean guy I was with?”

“I thought he was Japanese,” Lucy said.

“I don’t care; he’s still sexy. And that’s not the point,” Cindy said, holding up a business card. “The point is that he is an entrepreneur.”

Janet read the card and smiled.

“Anyone have a few spare thousand dollars laying around?” Lucy said. “Because otherwise, I don’t think we got this.”

“Hold on,” Samantha said, pulling a credit card from her pocket. “How’s this?”

Janet took it and read it. 

“This is James’s.”

“Yep. It’s one of the ones I saw them charge everything on,” Samantha said. “Thought it would be fun to have him need to cancel it.”

“This wedding?” Cindy said. “I doubt they would notice a few thousand.”

Janet looked at the two cards in her hand.

“Cindy,” she said, keeping her eyes on the cards, “remember how I used to say you were the smart one of the group?”

“I remember you said that ironically.”

“Well, this time I mean it less ironically.”

 * * *

The Japan flight was taking too long to board. Jennifer had already gone through three bags of chips; snacking was her coping mechanism for boredom. 

A man approached, Asian, the slender type of muscular, and dressed in a casual jacket and the kind of pants that breathed, but still looked nice. They were riding the red eye, and Dallas Forth Worth airport had plenty of seats, so he could just as easily have been overly energetic somewhere else. 

It wasn’t like she was advertising that she wanted to be talked to. She was dressed in sweatpants, a baggy sweater that read Please respect my introverting and a look on her face that rather clearly communicated she did not, in fact, want to communicate. Her face had cheetle on it, which was either masterfully or absentmindedly left there on purpose.

She even wore the wedding ring still. She played with it on her finger, her thumb brushing it absently. Every signal said that she did not want to be involved in human interaction. 

“I’m headed to Japan too,” he said, smiling. Even through the lack of wanting to talk to him, she noticed how handsome he was. It was a slender face, with pale brown eyes as sharp as his jawline, like he was holding up the production of a K-drama by being here.

“No way. Here I thought you were going for Puerto Rico,” she said, her anti-social cue coming off slightly harder than it should have. But she stood by it.

“Puerto Rico?” He said, abashed. “That’s terminal B. Maybe this red-eye flight is a little too red eye for you.”

“I assume you can read,” she said, pointing at the text on her chest. “This couldn’t be more clear.”

“I don’t just stare at women’s chests. I am offended you’d just assume I would.”

“What? No, I didn’t say that,” she said, knitting her eyebrows.

“Is it because I’m Korean? You just assumed I was going to be hitting on you like in all those K-dramas? Ma’am, I’m a person too,” he looked away at her.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” she said. Her eyebrows flexed again. She was confused why she found herself apologizing.

“No problems. I didn’t say you were wrong.” His eyes turned back to her, and his smile was sly, but in a way that was too polished, too practiced.

“I think we are done with this conversation now,” Jennifer raised her ring. “I’m married.”

“I know,” the man said, raising his left hand with a devilish smile. “Me too. That’s kind of the point.”

“I’m walking away now,” Jennifer said, standing up. “I will go sit next to someone that respects my shirt.”

Jennifer could feel the Korean man’s dreamy brown eyes on her as she walked away.

Jennifer shoved her headphones in, set her phone to emo punk rock breakup music, and one final thought about the man crossed her mind. 

He was disgustingly hot.

 * * *

Jennifer woke up, and she realized she woke up in the wrong place. 

“Last call.” The voice was foreign, with a slight Japanese accent to it.

Where was she?

“Last call.” The voice was coming from a flight attendant, dressed trim and proper, with the airline colors, standing with good posture, and staring daggers at Jennifer.

She realized where she wasn’t. She wasn’t on the plane. 

She looked at the line for the boarding. She had been Group A, now they were on Group C - and toward the end of it.

“Last call,” the flight attendant said, speaking into her microphone.

“Shit,” she shifted out of her seat with a swing that betrayed she had stopped pilates classes a week ago. “I’m coming!”

The flight attendant was silent, but watched Jennifer as she scrambled to get her luggage together. Jennifer got to the gate and held out a ticket.

“Miss, this is Boarding Group A,” the flight attendant looked from the ticket back to Jennifer. “We’re boarding Group C.”

“Look, if you’re still boarding, then that means I should be able to get on the plane, right?” 

The flight attendant looked at Jennifer with a fake smile. Without looking, the flight attendant scanned the ticket and after the ding waved for Jennifer to move through. 

“Of course, miss. You were Boarding Group A, is all I meant. Please get your A onto the plane.”

“Thank you,” Jennifer nodded and took a few steps, then paused. “What?”

She turned, but the flight attendant was already helping the last of Group C.

* * * 

She walked along the cabin, trying not to brush against strangers’ elbows and shoulders. She tried her best, but still got looks of people being way too offended. 

Jennifer finally found her empty seat and paused, still standing. Her eyes spotted something she wasn’t expecting.

Something disgustingly handsome.

“What took you so long, wife?” the Korean man said again, his smile again on his lips. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Was a husband supposed to not sit next to his wife?” The man looked genuinely puzzled. “This is the seat the girls assigned me.”

“The girls?”

“You truly have no idea what is happening? I thought this was just playful banter before.” The man said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a business card.

Ren Kimura, Owner of Situationship, LLC

“…you were at my wedding.” Jennifer flipped the card in her hand, as though that would make it make sense easier. “Cindy’s date. Ren Kimura. Of course, Cindy is involved.”

“Grooms tend to be at weddings.”

“You aren’t my husband.”

“I am for right now,” Ren said. “Your friends hired me. They ordered the Honeymoonship Package.”

“That’s not a thing.”

“I promise you it is,” Ren said. “You’re actually our first client.”

“I’m not your ever client,” Jennifer said. “Friggin’ Cindy did.”

“Semantics.”

“I’m figuring this out,” Jennifer sat next to him if for no other reason than that the old lady behind her started to fake clearing her throat. She pulled out her phone and dialed Cindy. After a few rings, the line picked up.

“Hello?” Cindy said.

“Don’t give me a hello. Why is there a fake husband sitting next to me on my plane?”

“I know, disgustingly handsome right?”

“…” she paused. “Why is he on my flight?”

“So that part is actually better left to Janet.” The phone shuffled for a few seconds.

“Hello?” Janet said casually.

“No. No hello.” Jennifer was starting to feel her face redden. “Very no hello. I want to know why I’m holding a Situationship, LLC card in my hand and some Korean guy keeps eyeing me.”

“Korean/Japanese,” Ren corrected.

“Korean/shut the hell up,” Jennifer said over her shoulder.

“Look, we got him as a honeymoon present.”

“I am not actually going on a honeymoon, idiot.”

“Look, you are going on a honeymoon. To a place where there are plenty of people there. Married people. What fun is it without a husband? He’s a rental. Just enjoy and don’t scratch him… too hard. Here’s Cindy again. She wants to say bye.”

“No, no, not —” Jennifer said, then the shuffling sounds came back.

“Hello?”

“Stop saying hello!”

“You’re yelling, and you know I don’t do well with confrontation.”

“I am about to confront my foot up your —“ the line clicked and all Jennifer heard was a dial tone.

Jennifer look at her phone and then looked at Ren.

Ren put his hands up in a sign of surrender. “Look, I’m keeping the deposit.”